scene but not herd

When my mom came home from the hospital I thought I would be able to spend some quality time with her before the inevitable happens. The reality is that there really is no quality in my mom's life anymore. She's there in body, but she's not there in "spirit" and that body's midsection is riddled with cancer. I can't have a conversation with her anymore. When she speaks it is barely intelligible. I understand that this is due mostly to the drugs she is on and communication will become even less as stronger drugs enter the scene to relieve the pain that will no doubt come. Sadly at this point, my relationship with my mom is one that is based solely on making her as comfortable as possible. Thankfully I have a good memory so I can reach back into time to relive better times. When we were told that she had only a few months to live it seemed like much too short of time. Seeing her in the condition she is in daily, now I realize that even a month of life in this condition is an eternity. This may seem callous to some, but I have always believed in quality over quantity. To each their own, but I really don't understand how family members keep other family members on life support when it seems that the only thing being prolonged is suffering. When pets start to suffer it is considered humane to euthanize them. Are humans not entitled to that same kindness? Many religious people start throwing out the phrase, "playing God," when euthanasia is brought up, but isn't maintaining someone's life through machines "playing God" as well? Just some thoughts running through my head. Like I've stated previously, my only concern is that my mom not suffer because that would not be fair and she does not deserve that. I don't know how my dad and me are going to come out of this. Physically I can already see a little bit of a toll taken on my dad and me. Emotionally it has been difficult as well, but the realization that her pain will cease has helped to tender that. A nurse has been coming a few times a week to help us out and I can't even begin to tell you how much of a godsend she has been. It's a cliched phrase, but I don't know what we would do without her. This is a rough experience. If you see my mom, the first thought in your mind would not be that she is dying, but that is exactly what is happening and it slowly wipes you out when you confront it daily. I wonder if it is any easier to handle when someone suddenly and unexpectedly dies? No, it is all horrible. I really don't mean for this post to be depressing. It's just what I'm going through and some of the things running through my mind. With a few exceptions here and there throughout the day I'm doing pretty well.